How much time & energy do we waste on being angry, frustrated, resentful, or jealous?
How do all of these emotions make us feel? Tense, exhausted, sick, flat?
What are they doing to our state of being?
When we feel these emotions, we don’t feel motivated in a positive way, we’re not productive, we get grumpy, we lose our logic & reasoning, we might resort to consuming things (junk food etc) that further lower our energy levels.
When we’re in these states of low vibration, how can we expect that we would attract anything of a high vibration (ie positive) when the vibe we’re giving off is perhaps less attractive?
Now, this is not to say that we can’t feel angry, frustrated, resentful, jealous, etc, because we are only human, having our experiences & learning our lessons, but rather about questioning what purpose it serves to feel these emotions for longer than necessary to work out where they’re coming from & what we need to change or release.
If we could pull ourselves out of our states of lower vibration by perhaps, listening to our favourite tunes, visiting a favourite place, speaking to a favourite person, thinking of our favourite things, anything that lifts us back up, then we will get back to a state of logical reasoning faster & be in a better place to make the necessary changes that we need to make to move forward on our journey 💛
The next time we’re feeling angry, frustrated, resentful, or jealous, let’s try sitting with our feelings for only as long as we need to work out the why (we’re feeling this way, if not already obvious) & the what (needs to be done), & then look for something that is uplifting & watch how our state of being & our reactions change 💛
A note for the times we may find ourselves getting defensive or when someone may have rubbed us up the wrong way (which could be timely for those get-togethers that took place over the Christmas break 🙈)…
We get defensive when there are emotions involved. When there is past hurt, anger, sadness, jealousy, etc that has not yet been dealt with or healed.
The feelings do not have to be directly connected with that person, rather they are just ‘poking the beast’ & bringing out unhealed parts of ourselves.
It can help to explore the situations as they arise, either with someone or on our own (ie. in a journal) so that we can really delve into the depths of the feelings that are being evoked. In doing so, we are also adding in a pause (where possible) before we respond, so that we can respond in a more logical & rational way, having thought through our emotional reactions, rather than responding in a way we do not wish to.
Perhaps there is more to the situation.
Something that we need more information on, or something we are misinterpreting as our ‘issue’ when it could be something in the other person that we are picking up on, something that they are feeling & perhaps not sure how to express or are expressing in a way they are not intending.
There are so many different ways to interpret things. The key is to give some thought as to how & why we might be reacting in a certain way, to remember that the emotions may not be connected with the person or thing that is triggering them, & that the way we are responding generally has a whole lot more to do with us & the way we are experiencing things, rather than how others are intending things to be interpreted.
If we depersonalise situations, it can really help with working through & healing the underlying emotions that are arising.
All is well when we breathe, reflect & adjust as needed 💛
Each year, on our way home from our family camping trip, hubby & I talk about our goals for the year ahead, our hopes & dreams – because long car rides on the way home from holidays are good for that 😍
As we started sharing this time, I said, “I want to focus less on what needs to be done all the time, & more on relaxing & spending time in our backyard”.
It sounds so simple. Spending quality family time at home.
But, how often do we do that?
How often do we enjoy time at home without thinking about what needs to be done, or feeling like we need to be out doing things?
How often do we do we set goals that add unnecessary pressure, rather than just simply choosing to live happy lives?
Lives where we’re not rushing about, but we’re spending quiet, quality time with those we love.
Where we’re not chasing unrealistic goals or things, but we’re content with what we have.
Where we’re not trying to be so many things, but we value ourselves & the skin we’re in.
Where we’re finding the joy in the little things & choosing to be grateful for what we’ve invited into our lives…
So, when we’re setting your intentions for 2019, let’s forget the standard New Years resolutions around weights, diets, achievements, reductions, etc.
Let’s focus on the lives we’re living & the parts that fill our heart & soul.
Focus on the emotions we want to feel, the vibe we want to have, the moments we want to savour, the foods we want to enjoy, the company we want to laugh with.
Let’s focus on how many quiet moments we can create, how much giving we’re doing & how much receiving, how much we’re listening to our bodies & what they need, & how we’re riding the waves.
A week & a half ago after a trip to the ED, I was told I had viral pericarditis (inflammation of the sac around the heart) on top of the tonsillitis that our youngest kindly passed on… forcing me to REALLY slow down & rest my body. Whilst I’m frustrated that I can’t physically do what I want to at the moment, or what I would normally do, & things haven’t gone to plan (i.e. having to postpone the last 2 weeks of my Mandala Painting Workshop & clients), I have certainly received the message loud & clear that I need to look after myself.
Rather than focusing on what I’m not doing or what I maybe could have done to prevent it, I’m choosing to accept what is & I’m choosing to listen to what I’m learning in these moments 💛
I’m learning how important it is to nurture ourselves, & to receive, especially when we are often in the space of giving.
I’m learning that I need to be comfortable with saying no & to set more boundaries.
I’m learning that I need to ask for what I need & to accept help when it is offered.
I’m learning that I need to be more open to receiving.
I’m learning that matters of the heart take time to heal. It’s not as simple as taking a panadol (or using my amazing past tense roller) for a headache & ‘getting on with it’. When the heart is in need of healing, physically, emotionally & spiritually, we need to rest our bodies.
So, if you’ve experienced a trauma recently that is connected to your heart (not just in the physical sense), or you’re going through something that is affecting your heart at the moment (maybe you’re remembering the loss of a loved one like I am today), allow yourself time to rest & time to heal.
Go easy on yourself.
Let go of any frustrations that you may have around plans, abilities, or emotions.
Set boundaries & create the space you need to reflect & process.
Make time for the things that bring you joy.
Seek out the things that will make you deep belly laugh.
Be gentle with yourself.
You will bounce back when you’ve given yourself time to heal 💗
Sending lots of love xx
📷 Wearing my rose quartz & relaxing in my love heart nightie & looking after myself 💗
“Time is a created thing. To say, ‘I don’t have time’ is like saying, ‘I don’t want to’.” – Lao Tzu
Every day, I’m becoming more & more comfortable with the message behind this quote, but there was definitely a time (a long time) when it would have made me uncomfortable… Now I can see that we have a choice in how we want to use the time that we have each day, & if we stop to reflect on the things that we say we don’t have time for, & the real reasons why we are saying we don’t, then it can really help with our mindset.
In the times that I’ve found myself wanting to say, ‘I don’t or didn’t have time to do that’ (ie. to clean or to do something for me), I’ve realised that it’s not that I didn’t have time, it’s just that I made something else more of a priority. It can be quite confronting or uncomfortable when we really look at why we say we don’t have time for something, & when we own up to the real reasons, but it can be so freeing when we do.
For me, I used to say, ‘I don’t have time for my Pilates exercises, how am I going to find the time to do them?’, & then I changed my mindset, & with the same time available to me, I made the time to do the exercises everyday. Another example for me, is meal planning. In the past, I would have said, ‘I don’t have time to meal plan’, but when I really looked at why I didn’t, I accepted that it’s not a strength of mine, & therefore I don’t make it a priority, & owning up to that & saying, ‘I’m not great at meal planning, & I’d rather spend my time doing something else instead’ feels good. Also acknowledging that we don’t have to be good at everything also feels good!
So often I am discovering that I say, ‘I don’t have time’ because that is so much easier & more comfortable than, ‘this is what I need’, or ‘can you help me?’, or ‘I actually don’t want to do that’.
How often do we say, ‘I don’t have time to do something for me’, when the reality can be that we just don’t feel we can ask someone to watch the kids so that we can do something for ourselves, or we are uncomfortable asking for help, or we’ve prioritised so many other things (including our families desires) over our own needs & desires?
In my experience, it’s not something that happens over night, especially if you’re used to saying it quite a bit (& I know with 3 young kids & a busy house it was my go to response), but I’m finding that more & more I’m owning up & being honest in my communication with myself & others, & taking responsibility for how I spend my time, & in doing so, I am enjoying the benefits.
Just this past weekend, I made the choice to ask my hubby to look after the kids so that I could spend a morning receiving some much needed energy work from my beautiful friend Fran (who I asked to book some time with), & then to spend an afternoon at a beautiful workshop run by Estelle @themummahub (oh & I got a quick trim in between!). Knowing that I had this wonderful weekend because I made myself a priority & made time for me, not only feels good, but also empowers me to do it again & again!
How does this quote make you feel? How often do you say you don’t have time for something?
How many of us spend time on, or with, ourselves? And how many of us, push ourselves aside, saying, “I don’t have time to paint, or to sit and read a book, or to have a bath, or to exercise or go out for a walk”? And yet, if someone else asks something of us and for our time, how many of us quickly say “yes” and make the time for them?
How many of us shy away from spending money on ourselves because something is expensive or we can use that money towards something else? And then, how many of us do not hesitate to spend money on our children, our partners, or other family and friends?
Really investing in ourselves is what so few of us do, yet is something we all REALLY need to do.
Last year, my husband and I decided to enrol our oldest son into a weekly sporting class. We discussed that it was quite costly, but that we would make it work as it would be great for him. I laughed to myself, and made comments to my hubby and the family, that here we were, not hesitating to enrol our son into a weekly class, yet in the past I had put aside my own interests in Pilates and yoga classes because of such costs. In the same vein, my husband and I (okay, mostly me) had been looking at a new bed for months and months, but money was tight and so we kept pushing our desire aside. Six months down the track, we decided, with my sister-in-law and her husband, that we would surprise my in-laws with some home improvements whilst they were away on a holiday, and as part of this my husband and I, without much hesitation, bought them a new bed, saying ‘we’ll make it work’. Then in January of this year, my husband surprised me for my birthday and booked me a holiday to spend some time with my beautiful friend. Before going, my friend told me of this painting workshop that she really wanted us to do together. As she mentioned the cost, I was a little hesitant, because 1, I had not painted in a very long time, and 2, “I couldn’t possibly spend that money on myself” (especially on top of the cost of the trip).
How often does this happen? How often do we think we are not worthy of investing in, or we make excuses for why we can’t invest in ourselves, or we put others needs and wants before our own?
It definitely happens all-to-often for me, like giving yummy leftovers to the kids for lunch and not saving any for myself, or giving the last of the cold water from the fridge to my hubby because there wasn’t enough for 2 glasses, or holding off going to the bathroom until I’m busting because I need to do something else for the kids or around the house… Well, I’m happy to say I have been making changes. A few months after buying my in-laws a new bed, I saw our dream bed on sale again, and I came to the realisation that if we could make it work and buy our loved ones a new bed, then we could make it work for us too. I attended the painting workshop, and had such an amazing experience, which has been the catalyst to me finding a hidden passion of mine in painting. Whilst I didn’t invest the money to attend, as I was so lucky my friend had wanted to gift me the workshop for my birthday, it was another realisation that if I had said no to investing in myself, I wouldn’t be painting like I am today, knowing now that I would have paid double the cost of the workshop for what I received from it.
Investing in ourselves doesn’t have to mean spending money. It could be as simple as taking time for ourselves to read, paint, relax in a bath, eat a decent meal, watch a movie, do a puzzle, go for a walk on the beach, play a board game, or anything else that you enjoy doing (this might just be a list of things I enjoy :)). It could be making that doctors appointment, or physio appointment, or dentist appointment (although money will be necessary here…) that you’ve been putting off, or saying “no” to something because we have enough on our plate or we just need a day or night at home.
Investing in ourselves is anything where we are putting our needs and wants first, and making our whole health and wellbeing a priority.
The next time you have the opportunity to invest in yourself, instead of thinking “I don’t have time”, or “I couldn’t possibly spend that money on myself”, think about what the investment could really mean, and what doors it could open for you. See any investment you make in yourself as a powerful message that you are sending to the universe, showing how much you are worth and how much you value yourself. Not only will this have positive effects on you, but it will also show those around you your value, and what is possible if they invest in themselves too, including the wonderful little children we have that look up to us as their role models.