Losing Patience

Tonight I lost my patience.

When the usual bedtime antics went on longer than I could handle, with having had a testing few weeks, having done a full day plus the dinner and bedtime routine solo, and having things on my mind that I wanted to get done (for the kids) once the kids went to sleep… I reached my limit with Mr 4, because he’d reached his limit and I couldn’t calm him down and we both ended up having meltdowns together…

Once we’d both calmed down, we said our good nights and I left the room.

I sat on the lounge and collected my thoughts, and after a quiet moment, I went back into his bedroom, climbed up onto his bunk bed, and we talked about what happened as I cuddled him to sleep.

I wasn’t proud of my behaviour, but I know it doesn’t define me as a parent, just as I know his meltdowns don’t define him as a child.

We all have emotions and sometimes they can become too much. We see it in toddlers all the time, and it’s okay for them to see it in us too (*provided no one is getting hurt).

After I left for the second time, I decided I wanted to share my imperfect moment, and that I would share the below words that I wrote a few months back (but haven’t yet shared) that help me through my tough parenting moments to help others through theirs 💛

. . .

Don’t be too hard on yourself, motherhood is a tough gig.

There are days when we all lose our patience. It is important to learn from these moments. Teach your children about feelings and what your feelings are evoking inside of you. Teach them about self care and needing space.

Take the opportunity to learn about yourself. Learn about the strengths you have and the things you need to improve. Learn about what calms you, but also what your trigger points are, and what your children’s trigger points are.

Be gentle with yourself.

Everyday is a new day filled with endless opportunities for self improvement.

These years will fly.

There is so much to learn and teach.

Have patience with yourself in the moments that you feel all patience is lost.

Take time to breathe and take stock. Whether that may be immediately after or later when the kids are tucked up in bed.

Life is full of opportunities for reflection.

Reflect often and if something isn’t working for you, then you are always free to alter your path.

Being gentle with yourself is key 💛

We are all energy.

There will be certain things or people or events that don’t gel with our energy & cause us to lose our patience, or become frustrated, angry, overwhelmed or upset.

These moments are inevitable. There is no one whose energy is unaffected by all other energy forms that exist in this world.

You are not alone.

What will help is recognising the energies that that do not connect with your own, or your trigger points, and learning how to best handle the situations.

Look inside to see what you can do to enhance the positivity in the situation.

Remember to focus on the internal and not too much on the external. All can be resolved from within 💛

By Simone

12.03.2018


Do you have time?

“Time is a created thing. To say, ‘I don’t have time’ is like saying, ‘I don’t want to’.” – Lao Tzu

Every day, I’m becoming more & more comfortable with the message behind this quote, but there was definitely a time (a long time) when it would have made me uncomfortable… Now I can see that we have a choice in how we want to use the time that we have each day, & if we stop to reflect on the things that we say we don’t have time for, & the real reasons why we are saying we don’t, then it can really help with our mindset.

In the times that I’ve found myself wanting to say, ‘I don’t or didn’t have time to do that’ (ie. to clean or to do something for me), I’ve realised that it’s not that I didn’t have time, it’s just that I made something else more of a priority. It can be quite confronting or uncomfortable when we really look at why we say we don’t have time for something, & when we own up to the real reasons, but it can be so freeing when we do.

For me, I used to say, ‘I don’t have time for my Pilates exercises, how am I going to find the time to do them?’, & then I changed my mindset, & with the same time available to me, I made the time to do the exercises everyday. Another example for me, is meal planning. In the past, I would have said, ‘I don’t have time to meal plan’, but when I really looked at why I didn’t, I accepted that it’s not a strength of mine, & therefore I don’t make it a priority, & owning up to that & saying, ‘I’m not great at meal planning, & I’d rather spend my time doing something else instead’ feels good. Also acknowledging that we don’t have to be good at everything also feels good!

So often I am discovering that I say, ‘I don’t have time’ because that is so much easier & more comfortable than, ‘this is what I need’, or ‘can you help me?’, or ‘I actually don’t want to do that’.

How often do we say, ‘I don’t have time to do something for me’, when the reality can be that we just don’t feel we can ask someone to watch the kids so that we can do something for ourselves, or we are uncomfortable asking for help, or we’ve prioritised so many other things (including our families desires) over our own needs & desires?

In my experience, it’s not something that happens over night, especially if you’re used to saying it quite a bit (& I know with 3 young kids & a busy house it was my go to response), but I’m finding that more & more I’m owning up & being honest in my communication with myself & others, & taking responsibility for how I spend my time, & in doing so, I am enjoying the benefits.

Just this past weekend, I made the choice to ask my hubby to look after the kids so that I could spend a morning receiving some much needed energy work from my beautiful friend Fran (who I asked to book some time with), & then to spend an afternoon at a beautiful workshop run by Estelle @themummahub (oh & I got a quick trim in between!). Knowing that I had this wonderful weekend because I made myself a priority & made time for me, not only feels good, but also empowers me to do it again & again!

How does this quote make you feel? How often do you say you don’t have time for something?


Investing in Ourselves

How many of us really invest in ourselves?

How many of us spend time on, or with, ourselves? And how many of us, push ourselves aside, saying, “I don’t have time to paint, or to sit and read a book, or to have a bath, or to exercise or go out for a walk”? And yet, if someone else asks something of us and for our time, how many of us quickly say “yes” and make the time for them?

How many of us shy away from spending money on ourselves because something is expensive or we can use that money towards something else? And then, how many of us do not hesitate to spend money on our children, our partners, or other family and friends?

Really investing in ourselves is what so few of us do, yet is something we all REALLY need to do.

Last year, my husband and I decided to enrol our oldest son into a weekly sporting class. We discussed that it was quite costly, but that we would make it work as it would be great for him. I laughed to myself, and made comments to my hubby and the family, that here we were, not hesitating to enrol our son into a weekly class, yet in the past I had put aside my own interests in Pilates and yoga classes because of such costs. In the same vein, my husband and I (okay, mostly me) had been looking at a new bed for months and months, but money was tight and so we kept pushing our desire aside. Six months down the track, we decided, with my sister-in-law and her husband, that we would surprise my in-laws with some home improvements whilst they were away on a holiday, and as part of this my husband and I, without much hesitation, bought them a new bed, saying ‘we’ll make it work’. Then in January of this year, my husband surprised me for my birthday and booked me a holiday to spend some time with my beautiful friend. Before going, my friend told me of this painting workshop that she really wanted us to do together. As she mentioned the cost, I was a little hesitant, because 1, I had not painted in a very long time, and 2, “I couldn’t possibly spend that money on myself” (especially on top of the cost of the trip).

How often does this happen? How often do we think we are not worthy of investing in, or we make excuses for why we can’t invest in ourselves, or we put others needs and wants before our own?

It definitely happens all-to-often for me, like giving yummy leftovers to the kids for lunch and not saving any for myself, or giving the last of the cold water from the fridge to my hubby because there wasn’t enough for 2 glasses, or holding off going to the bathroom until I’m busting because I need to do something else for the kids or around the house… Well, I’m happy to say I have been making changes. A few months after buying my in-laws a new bed, I saw our dream bed on sale again, and I came to the realisation that if we could make it work and buy our loved ones a new bed, then we could make it work for us too. I attended the painting workshop, and had such an amazing experience, which has been the catalyst to me finding a hidden passion of mine in painting. Whilst I didn’t invest the money to attend, as I was so lucky my friend had wanted to gift me the workshop for my birthday, it was another realisation that if I had said no to investing in myself, I wouldn’t be painting like I am today, knowing now that I would have paid double the cost of the workshop for what I received from it.

Investing in ourselves doesn’t have to mean spending money. It could be as simple as taking time for ourselves to read, paint, relax in a bath, eat a decent meal, watch a movie, do a puzzle, go for a walk on the beach, play a board game, or anything else that you enjoy doing (this might just be a list of things I enjoy :)). It could be making that doctors appointment, or physio appointment, or dentist appointment (although money will be necessary here…) that you’ve been putting off, or saying “no” to something because we have enough on our plate or we just need a day or night at home.

Investing in ourselves is anything where we are putting our needs and wants first, and making our whole health and wellbeing a priority.

The next time you have the opportunity to invest in yourself, instead of thinking “I don’t have time”, or “I couldn’t possibly spend that money on myself”, think about what the investment could really mean, and what doors it could open for you. See any investment you make in yourself as a powerful message that you are sending to the universe, showing how much you are worth and how much you value yourself. Not only will this have positive effects on you, but it will also show those around you your value, and what is possible if they invest in themselves too, including the wonderful little children we have that look up to us as their role models.

What investment will you make today?

xxx

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Making changes

Change can be quite daunting. I like to think that the ups and downs of parenthood, with the constant change and new phases, help build our resilience, and help us cope better with change as time goes on. I have gone through a lot of change over the past few years, and have also made quite a few changes, especially in the last year. I have been thinking about what has helped me as I make changes, both recently and in the past, and what reminders I’ve needed, or would have been helpful at the time. I wanted to share them with anyone who is currently making changes, or needs a bit of encouragement to take a leap!

Firstly, it helps to bring those closest with you in on the details so that they understand and can support you in making your changes. They might even like to join you on your journey! Or at the very least, you will have some good support and encouragement along the way.

Don’t worry about what others will think, if you are excited by the changes and they feel right for you then that is what is most important.

Try not to let questions from others make you doubt yourself. Those closest to you will question from a place of concern for you, or of course, based on their own experiences. Remember, each experience will be unique to us.

Be grateful! Especially for the support and encouragement you do receive.

Don’t compare yourself to others. It doesn’t matter if, or when, someone else made the same changes you’re wanting to make, all that matters is that it is now the right time for you.

Trust your gut and go with the flow! If it’s meant to be, it will feel effortless and flow smoothly.

Don’t feel guilty. If making your changes means letting go of some of the old to make way for the new, then let it be. Sometimes we have to do some weeding in our gardens for things to grow.

Make sure you’re happy! It is most important that you are being true to yourself.

Ask for help if you need it. If you don’t ask, how can you receive!?

Remember, there are no mistakes. Life is about learning lessons and you can always make new changes if you need to.

Good luck with making your changes, whatever they may be!

xxx

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