Us

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Yesterday, we had a whole day of just us 💛

We were so grateful to have my wonderful in-laws offer to have the kids for the day so that we could finish building the kids main Christmas present, & to clean & sort the house for Christmas dinner tomorrow night, to prep for events after Christmas & finish some shopping etc.

With a big list of things to do, I decided that we’d make the most of our time together & start the day (once hubby dropped the kids off) with a walk on the beach & breakfast. I couldn’t tell you when the last time we’d done that was, but to be out in the sunshine together, without rushing to an event or to be doing anything but enjoying each other’s company was amazing!

It gave us such a boost, & we just had such a great day (& so productive!!), despite the rest of the day being ‘chores’ that we were given uninterrupted time & space to do 💛

If you can make the time / create the space over the Christmas holidays to do something together, in day light hours, I highly recommend it! Even if it’s just as simple as a 30min walk while the kids stay back with the family at the holiday accommodation if that suits your plans 💖

Becoming parents for the first time changes your relationship. Really changes it.

When you add a beautiful child into your relationship, the love you have for each other changes as you witness each other become parents & grow into your new roles. There are new milestones that bring a new level of excitement & more to celebrate. You are amazed at what you have created together & you grin when you say things like, ‘the three of us will be at Christmas lunch’ 💛

Whilst becoming parents brings a new level of love, & lots of positivity, it also brings extra tensions & challenges to your relationship. When you bring a bundle of joy into the world that needs your full attention, creates sleep deprivation / general exhaustion, needs so much of your time, changes your roles in the house, adds new financial costs changes your communication – ‘can you go & get a nappy for me, can you hold baby while I do this, have they had a feed, what time did they wake, are they due for another sleep, do they need a nappy change? etc. new pressures are added to your relationship.

Things then continue to evolve and there are new challenges (as well as joys) as your baby gets older & you decide what sort of parenting style you want to have, how you want the household to run, and then adding extra babies (twins in our case), changes things even more as all of the above doubles or triples.

As parents, you have to work harder to make time for each other, to communicate better, to check in on each other. To apologise when times are stressful & you both get snappy, to listen, to compromise. You have to put extra effort in to create the lightness & laughter that existed in the days of less responsibility, to make the effort to show your appreciation & affection.

Now it’s not all doom & gloom 🙈 but it’s important to note the changes & challenges, & to know that we all experience them in some way or another.

It’s also so important to go those extra miles. To communicate openly. To make time for each other. To spend time together, separately, & altogether as a family.

When the kids are all grown up & leave the nest, we’ll want to remember what it’s like to just be the two of us & to remember each other ❤️

Balance & boundaries

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Life is all about setting boundaries to create balance. It is also about recognising when we need to set those boundaries, and when we are out of balance. For me, I would love to paint at every spare moment that I have (around looking after our 3 little ones), but I know that some of my time needs to be spent managing the house and other things. I also know that, whilst I love my painting time, if I spend too much time painting and not enough of my time writing and in quiet reflection then things can also get on top of me. With so many moving parts, it is a constant work in progress to get things in balance.

Balance and boundaries are especially important when we are parents and have so many demands on us. I know that in a busy house with 3 little ones, it can be really hard to have time to myself, or just some quiet time, and so it is up to me to set boundaries to create that quiet time. Creating boundaries with our children also encourages them to learn patience, understanding and gratitude (and is definitely a work in progress). We also need to set boundaries with our families and friends, we need to set boundaries with our work and other commitments, and we need to set boundaries with our partners.

Setting these boundaries helps us to create balance. For example, it helps with creating a balance between time with the family, time with our partners, and time with ourselves. Whilst it can be incredibly hard to achieve, and some days might be easier than others, what can make it easier is knowing what quality time looks like with our families, partners, and ourselves. By knowing what quality time looks like, we can then make better decisions around how we spend our time, and can gain greater satisfaction from using that time to better serve us. Communicating with our partners and kids on the boundaries we want to create is also key.

We also need to take the pressure off ourselves. We don’t have to do everything, and we don’t have to achieve it all alone. It is okay to ask for help when we need it. Sometimes we might need to take a break from something to make room or give extra attention to something else.  When we feel we are spiralling and overwhelmed, the best solution is often to take a break and regroup. Whilst we might think we are ‘wasting time’ when we stop, this is not the case for when we take breaks, we are coming back with greater energy, greater focus and clarity, and often greater motivation.

If you’re recognising that you’re out of balance, speak up and ask for the help you need to create the space for you to restore balance, and be gentle with yourself.

Keeping house

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I have had such a productive day today (stay with me… I promise there’s a point to what may appear as gloating)…

I have done:
4 loads of washing,
thoroughly cleaned our ensuite (well overdue!),
put away the piles of clothes accumulating in our dressing room,
put away a pile of each of the kids clothes,
wiped over the kitchen cupboards (because when your 3yo happens to find a tiny piece of oil pastel somewhere & practises his signature on the cupboards, there is extra cleaning involved… with his help!),
changed the sheets on the twins cots & vacuumed their room,
& did the same for Mr 3, including sanding some patching that I’d stupidly done in an OCD episode I had a few weeks back…
All while either involving the kids & getting them to help, or watching them play outside, or while they played inside, or while they slept.

Now to the points I want to make…
Some may read this & compare to what they did today & feel like they have done more, & some may feel like they have done less. When I read my list, I see – that this is not my everyday. That I have piles of washing around the house, I have jobs that don’t get done as often as they should, I have a mountain of washing that never ends, I never have an empty house (there’s always 3 crazy & very loveable kids running around), I wish I could split myself in 2 so that one of me cleaned while the other played with the kids, I have a child (actually 3) who does testing things, I have a big house that takes forever to clean, I have less cleaning time these days (because I have 3 kids to share my time with) & I have to prioritise my cleaning, I don’t have productive cleaning days every day. These are some of my circumstances.

We are all different & our circumstances are all different. Some of us have 1 child, some of us have multiple. Some of us work, some of us stay home. Some of us have cleaners, some of us don’t. Some of us have smaller houses, some of us have bigger houses. We all choose to spend our time differently…

Over the weekend, I found myself getting into a tizz about the state of the house before some friends arrived, despite having spent a couple of hours cleaning beforehand. I reflected on it later & how I was falling into the trap of comparison & putting too many expectations on myself in our circumstances. It wasn’t until my hubby looked at me & said the words, ‘I’m happy in our home’, that I was reminded of the most important thing – that we are happy.

It can be so easy to get caught up in comparing our homes to our friends & families or to those we see on social media, & to feel inadequate. The mind has a funny way of doing that. But the next time you find your mind wandering to all the things you haven’t done or how your house doesn’t look a certain way, just remember that you are doing enough in your circumstances & that the most important thing is that you are happy & comfortable

Do you have time?

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“Time is a created thing. To say, ‘I don’t have time’ is like saying, ‘I don’t want to’.” – Lao Tzu

Every day, I’m becoming more & more comfortable with the message behind this quote, but there was definitely a time (a long time) when it would have made me uncomfortable… Now I can see that we have a choice in how we want to use the time that we have each day, & if we stop to reflect on the things that we say we don’t have time for, & the real reasons why we are saying we don’t, then it can really help with our mindset.

In the times that I’ve found myself wanting to say, ‘I don’t or didn’t have time to do that’ (ie. to clean or to do something for me), I’ve realised that it’s not that I didn’t have time, it’s just that I made something else more of a priority. It can be quite confronting or uncomfortable when we really look at why we say we don’t have time for something, & when we own up to the real reasons, but it can be so freeing when we do.

For me, I used to say, ‘I don’t have time for my Pilates exercises, how am I going to find the time to do them?’, & then I changed my mindset, & with the same time available to me, I made the time to do the exercises everyday. Another example for me, is meal planning. In the past, I would have said, ‘I don’t have time to meal plan’, but when I really looked at why I didn’t, I accepted that it’s not a strength of mine, & therefore I don’t make it a priority, & owning up to that & saying, ‘I’m not great at meal planning, & I’d rather spend my time doing something else instead’ feels good. Also acknowledging that we don’t have to be good at everything also feels good!

So often I am discovering that I say, ‘I don’t have time’ because that is so much easier & more comfortable than, ‘this is what I need’, or ‘can you help me?’, or ‘I actually don’t want to do that’.

How often do we say, ‘I don’t have time to do something for me’, when the reality can be that we just don’t feel we can ask someone to watch the kids so that we can do something for ourselves, or we are uncomfortable asking for help, or we’ve prioritised so many other things (including our families desires) over our own needs & desires?

In my experience, it’s not something that happens over night, especially if you’re used to saying it quite a bit (& I know with 3 young kids & a busy house it was my go to response), but I’m finding that more & more I’m owning up & being honest in my communication with myself & others, & taking responsibility for how I spend my time, & in doing so, I am enjoying the benefits.

Just this past weekend, I made the choice to ask my hubby to look after the kids so that I could spend a morning receiving some much needed energy work from my beautiful friend Fran (who I asked to book some time with), & then to spend an afternoon at a beautiful workshop run by Estelle @themummahub (oh & I got a quick trim in between!). Knowing that I had this wonderful weekend because I made myself a priority & made time for me, not only feels good, but also empowers me to do it again & again!

How does this quote make you feel? How often do you say you don’t have time for something?

An Ode to Washing

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Oh washing piles,
In all your glory,
How you really do
Tell a story

Of favourite foods,
Of fun times had,
Of clothes worn by Mum,
That belong to Dad

Of colours & patterns
Chosen with love
& clothes, once big,
That fit like a glove

Oh washing piles,
How I must inquire…
Will you ever end?
As I so desire

All that time
I spend with you,
When just as I finish,
There’s more to do

How I really do wish
That we could be friends,
But, you’re like a ring
That never ends

Oh washing piles,
How do you feel?
When we hide you from friends
Who come for a meal

We like to pretend
That you don’t exist,
When really we know,
No house is missed

With all of the places
That you get shoved,
You couldn’t possibly feel
Appreciated & loved

Oh washing piles,
How I could go on,
But my washing-free time
Has almost gone

There’s a load on the line
& one in the machine,
My kids have just eaten
You know what I mean

There’s hanging & folding,
Oh that damn fitted sheet,
So it’s off I go –
Wash, fold, repeat

Yours sincerely,
Simone

Group Acrylic Mandala Painting Intuitive Art Therapy Workshop with Embarked with Simone in Atwell, South of Perth Western Australia

What do you do?

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On those days (or weeks) when…
You’re a little more tired
You’re a little less patient
You’re a little more clumsy
You’re a little less motivated
You’re a little more forgetful
You’re a little less talkative
You’re a little more irritable
You’re a little less organised
You’re a little more distracted
You’re a little less enthusiastic
You’re a little more emotional
You’re a little less tolerant (of the mess or the noise)
You’re a little more doubtful
You’re a little less decisive
You’re a little more keen for a break…

The past couple of weeks have been full of all of this. With 3 little ones, including an extra testing (almost) 4yo, & all 3 kids taking turns at being unwell, meaning that they’re also extra sensitive, tired & easily upset by their siblings, things can build up.
Whilst these days are all part of the rollercoaster ride of parenthood, & some days we can cope better than others, I’ve learnt that the best thing we can do is to work extra hard at creating space for ourselves during these times. Whether it’s a walk, a trip to the gym, a Netflix binge, a cuppa & a good book, a break from some chores, a play date or someone to watch the kids, a warm bath, some painting, a meditation or yoga class, a coffee date with a friend… it’s important to think about what you need & then to communicate & ask for help if you need it 💛

For me, it’s been my painting, a play date, some Reiki practice, some writing, my oils, some family time, some tickling of the kids to get those extra good giggles, & a much needed date night (& break) over the weekend (organised by hubby) helping get me through.

It’s times like these that I’m extra grateful for the support I have & that I have discovered my passion for painting 💛 To now be able to share my space & to give others the opportunity to have some fun, relaxing & creative ME time makes me very happy 😍

What do you do for you? What helps you get through?

Parenting Joys - supporting and encouring parents on their journey through parenthood. Inspiring parents to look after themselves and to get creative about it.